Observing the War in Your Head

WHY: The Programs We Don't Know We're Running

You know, five years ago I was standing in a train station in Sweden with a hand-drawn sign that said "You Are Loved," and people would walk by and some would stop and we'd have these beautiful conversations. But what struck me most was when people would say things like, "I needed to hear this today" or "How did you know?"

And I'd think: know what? I'm just standing here. But what I realized is that most people are at war with themselves. And they don't even know it.

I didn't know it for most of my life. I was running programs I learned from childhood—get a job, go to school, get married, get a house, two-car garage. Just do, do, do. Be on the take. Try and get whatever you want. That was the American programming installed in me, you know? And I ran that program until I was about 40 years old and then I was like, whoa, why do I do these things?

After COVID, after a divorce, after losing my sister to suicide, I sold my coffee company and I decided to spend some time trying to figure out who this guy is in this body. Why I think certain ways. To understand the programs I'm running.

And here's what I discovered: we naturally just run off programs that we learned from childhood. We don't question them. We don't observe them. We just... run them. And then we wonder why we're exhausted, why we're anxious, why we feel like we're fighting ourselves.

So I installed a new program. And it starts every single morning.

WHAT: The Morning Stillness Practice

I don't meditate in the traditional sense. I don't chant. I don't try to empty my mind or reach some enlightened state. I just... watch. I look at the thoughts that are coming in.

And I ask three questions:

1. Are they new thoughts?
2. Are they yesterday's thoughts?
3. Are they thoughts that benefit me? Are they thoughts that I want?

Most of the time—and this tears me up to admit—most of the time they're yesterday's thoughts. The same worries. The same doubts. The same loops. We have like 90,000 thoughts a day, you know? Maybe more. And how many of them are actually new? How many of them are actually serving us?

If I had one superpower, like one superpower, it would be that all my thoughts would benefit me. Because so many of my thoughts don't benefit me. So many of my thoughts hold me back.

HOW: Starting Tomorrow Morning

Step 1: Don't move

When you wake up, before you check your phone, before you get out of bed, before you do anything—just stay still. Keep your body completely still. This is harder than it sounds. Your body will want to stretch, roll over, reach for your phone. Don't. Stay still.

Step 2: Watch

Observe your mind like you're watching a movie. What's the first thought? Where does it go next? Don't judge it. Don't try to change it. Just watch.

You might notice:

• Anxiety about the day ahead
• Replaying yesterday's conversation
• That thing you said five years ago that still haunts you
• What you need to do, buy, fix, solve
• Worry about money, relationships, health

Step 3: Ask the three questions

Once you've watched for a minute or two, start asking:

• Is this a new thought or am I just replaying old programs?
• Does this thought benefit me? Does it help me become who I want to be?
• Is this a thought I actually want, or is it just... noise?

Step 4: Choose

Here's the beautiful part: once you realize you're running old programs, you can choose to install new ones. You can say, "Okay, that's yesterday's thought. What thought would benefit me today?"

It's like... imagine you're at a computer and you realize you're running Windows 95. And you're like, oh, I could update this. I could install something new.

That's what we're doing. We're updating our operating system.

IMPACT: The Train Station Transformation

I started doing this practice every morning when I was in Sweden. And I can tell you—some of the days I walked out of that train station were the most I've loved myself. The most I've ever been proud of myself.

I would weep when I would walk to the park, you know, just so proud of the man I had become. To be selfless. To build other people up. Those moments, I hope when I die that I get to review those moments, because they are... I mean, they make me proud of myself. And I haven't always been proud of myself.

If you want to change your external world, you have to change your internal world first.

For You: Starting Today

I'm not saying this practice will change your life overnight. I'm saying it changed mine over five years. And it continues to change it every single day.

Tomorrow morning, try it. Just once. Keep your body still. Watch your thoughts. Ask the three questions.

You don't have to stand in a train station with a sign (though you can if you want to—it's pretty great). You don't have to sell your coffee company or move to Sweden. You just have to start observing.

Because once you realize how powerful thought is, we should probably be thinking nice.

Can we all get behind one thing—that thinking nice about ourselves and about each other would benefit everybody?

I think that's one thing in this world we can all agree on.